missing something and wanting it back, i’ve learned, are two entirely different feelings. missing something is more like nostalgia for the way things used to be. sort of like when you see an old cartoon from your childhood. obviously, you cannot go back and be 5 again which is why you miss it so much. wanting something back implies that nothing has changed and you’re still the same people. this impossibly untrue scenario makes me wonder if anyone ever really wants their ex back or if they just miss the way things used to be so they see it as a sign that they should be together again. once apart, people grow apart. they change and become incompatible because, if they broke apart in the first place, they were never meant to be. there was a reason you went your separate ways in the first place. someone wasnt willing to compromise or someone took things too far. if you think about it, was that conflict resolved? who’s to say it won’t happen again? trying to go back to the way it was is sort of like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube, it will never be the way you remembered it. it’s better to keep the good memories and not make new, bad memories. but also, remember why it ended and stand your ground. don’t make the same mistake i did with grant and our friendship because believe me, something bad is going to come of this. i can already feel a storm brewing.
but then it hits you, what the hell did you do to deserve this? since when did doing the right thing become a crime? then you get angry. you start to realize that you are better off without that person. then you never want to see their stupid face again as long as you live. you get stronger. life goes on.
But he isn’t HERE. He isn’t comforting me. He might as well be on another planet. I feel alone.
He may have hurt me but I have shared too much of my life with him. I will always miss his friendship.
It’s the little details of each person in our lives that seem so irreplaceable when there gone. The way they grit their teeth and push their bottom lip out while squinting when you say something stupid. The way they listen to your philosophies when no one else does. The way they sit with thoughtful eyes, staring at nothing but contemplating everything. How even thought they try to give you the silent treatment, the end up laughing at something you do or say. The way they would do any of the stupidest things you came up with, as long as you were by their side. How well you could cheer them up. The way they walk with a sort of sulk that reminds you of Eeyore. Everything bout that person seemed to be perfectly fitted to be in your life. “I just realized that everything I have is gonna someday be gone.”
When I’m alone, I start to realize that I might never hear you laugh again. Our friendship is dead and even though it’s your fault, I can’t stop crying. You were always there and I thought you always would be. But that was a foolish thought. How could I be so naive? My feelings for you did not match yours for me so, of course it was only a matter of time. But still, you knew how important you were to me. I lay there drunk and crying and asking you to never abandon me. You knew I was better than that. You’ve seen me be strong so you agreed. Just because I was inebriated doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. “you went away. how dare you. I miss you.”
| — | Aria from Pretty Little Liars |
Why would I drop everything for you every time you call when you won’t even live? I refuse to be manipulated. When someone tries to manipulate me to do something, I’m going to do the exact opposite. I’ve tried to help but now I have to help myself before I’m brought down with you. Sayonara!
